There is no easier way to do this review other than to dive straight in. I don’t have clever ways to segue into this. I will start off be saying that Alex Proyas’ The Crow from 1994 was a masterpiece and is a classic. I don’t know who thought that this movie needed a reimagining. But somehow thirty years after the release of the original along with Brandon Lee’s untimely death, this movie limps in to theaters on broken wings.
Be forewarned there will be some spoilers. Stop now if you still plan on seeing this.
For those not caught up on the plot, let me quote this from Wikipedia and tell you why there is so much wrong with this: “The film stars Bill Skarsgård as Eric / The Crow, a murdered musician who is resurrected to avenge the deaths of himself and his fiancée, played by FKA Twigs.”
I will not blame the site for the description because it’s better suited to the original film than it does here. Thus, the beginning of the many problems with this movie. Skarsgård’s rendition of Draven is a junkie in rehab which is where he meets Shelly, who is also reimagined as a pill popping party girl. The first 30 to 45 minutes is about how they meet, conveniently escape from a rehab center, then “let’s escape and hide at my friend’s swanky apartment” which then turns into “I love you, let’s escape to the grungy apartment across town” which then turns into…you see where this is going. There is no meaningful mention of him being a musician nor anything worth saying that they were engaged. Just simply they crossed paths and rutted like two animals in heat.
Rupert Sanders, who also directed the forgettable Ghost in the Shell (yes, THAT one!!), just doesn’t understand what made the original movie tick. The pacing is all over the place, takes way too long to tell the story and the movie is consistently inconsistent. Don’t believe me? Can I tell you about the John Wick style shootout that happens to take place in an opera house while there is an opera going on, yet no one runs upon hearing the gunshots? I mean I know live shows can be loud but loud enough to muffle gunshots? Come on son!
No, we are not going to mention that this version of Eric Draven looks like someone poorly cribbed notes from Jared Leto’s verion of the Joker.
We aren’t even going to talk about the snoozy resurrection scene or any lack of an explantion as to why the crows exist. This movie surely didn’t.
Aside from the plodding backstory of Eric, we somehow have Shelly, who goes to a party, witnesses a sadistic ritual gone wrong which is caught on video. Vincent Roeg, played by Danny Huston is some kind of supernatural demon, again introduced with no backstory. As powerful as he seems, he somehow is unable to stop a few 20 somethings, high off of drugs kids from escaping his house with the video and systematically sets out to kill them all. This is the driving motivation for his being in the film and makes no sense at all.
This movie has been in development since 2008 and it really shows. There are no saving graces to this film. Again, what made the original great was in its simplicity. The original did not need a complicated backstory nor overarching motivational factor for Eric’s return except that he really loved Shelly and they were both murdered and he came back to correct the wrongs done to them. Unfortunately, this was needlessly spoon-fed to us in this version. I would even have given this film a slight pass if they renamed these two characters something else making this yet another movie in the Crow franchise.
There is no way that I can recommend this movie. It does not have the soul nor the gravitas of the original. The soundtrack is forgettable unlike the original in which the music was infused with the movie which made it a classic. As much crap as people gave Vincent Perez’ performance in City of Angels, I would prefer watching that again before I do a second viewing of this.
FINAL GRADE: F-
About The Author
