Dean on the Scene ready to deliver the heartbreaking news of the year. While I love going to the movies and seeing what Hollywood has to offer, there’s always the few that I wished I never had to see on the big screen. These are the films that didn’t make me laugh, cry and cheer. They are the ones that make me jeer… inside and out. For these special five on my list, time fully recovered when I left the theatre wondering why this was made in the first place. Here are my worst five films of 2017. Keep in mind that these are MY picks of the worst films of the year and does not reflect the views of my staff.
It looked like the perfect comedy… at first. Amy Schumer who was at the top of her game teams up with comedy legend Goldie Hawn for this Mother’s Day weekend movie. The story is about Emily, who was dumped by her boyfriend before they took their exotic vacation. She decides to take her very cautious mom Linda. What could be possibly go wrong? A lot when they were snatched on their trip. I had good expectations going in but I felt very disappointed leaving their theatre. The plot could have been a good one, but it twisted and turned with some horrible pointless scenes. The material seem so flat that you could not iron out the details. The bad guys were less threatening and very cartoonish. The acting overall was very poor. The only good acting came from Wanda Sykes and her co-star Joan Cusack. THEY should have carried the films. Sorry, Hawn & Schumer but it didn’t snatch my funny bone away.
What do you get when you take a beloved TV show of the 1970’s and decided to reboot it many years? You get a cringing Dean wondering “Why is Hollywood to fix something that’s not broken?” Dax Shepard has taken a great buddy cop TV series adored by millions and turned it into a drastic shell of itself. Wonderful actor Michael Peña was the wrong choice to play Ponch but then again, he really didn’t have much to work on with this faculty chip of a movie. It was filled with crude jokes, too much nudity, bad script and a plot that makes you scratch your head. It had it minute moments as a action film but as a comedy…. I would never depend on these officers to save my life. As the old saying goes, let the chips fall where they may. Unfortunately, CHiPS 2017 fell FLAT!
I will admit I was a fan of the Baywatch TV series. The Hoff saving lives and the warmth of the California sun and you got my attention. Fast forward to 2017 where ANOTHER TV SHOW get the movie treatment and drowned in the process. Dwayne Johnson was the ONLY good thing about the film plus the cameos by Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson for the nostalgia. Otherwise, the script was horrible. The plot was bland. It tried desperately to be a comedy but the timing was way off. It also doesn’t help that virtually all of the characters are bland and uninteresting, serving as no more than stereotypical caricatures of overused tropes. Baywatch knows it’s a comedic farce of the series we know and love, its silly and raunchy and it does not really try to be anything else than that. Full of constant toilet humor and stale jokes, Baywatch should have been like all good TV shows – left all alone with all its former glory. Note to Hollywood: Stop rebooting my childhood – PLEASE!
2. THE EMOJI MOVIE
My advice to Hollywood #2: Never everything on the social media needs to be a movie or a TV series. Case in point: the failed 2017 gaming app turned TV game show “Candy Crush”. Emojis are cool and fun on social media but to turn it into a ninety-minute movie and you got a recipe for disaster and my 2nd worst film of the year. This was absolutely horrible that not even Sir Patrick Stewart voicing the S*!t emoji can save it. From the get-go, you can see that this was the latest attempt for Hollywood to cash in on latest social media trend and failed miserably. This movie does everything wrong that the “meh” emoji really comes to mind. The script was so bland that my nephews can be more creative than this mess. Sony Animation needs to just stop making bad animated movie after another. I wish there is an emoji to tell them that this movie was crap. On second thought, there are a emojis that can convey how I truly feel about this awful awful mess. Worst Animated Movie of the 2010s.
And now…. the WORST FILM OF 2017 is…….
TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT
It’s no surprise that ANOTHER Transformers film made the WORST film in my countdown. The first honor belonged to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. You know when a franchise’s time is way past its prime. That’s how I felt after watching this overkill of two and a half hours of Michael Bay’s explosions, destruction of cities, slow-mo explosions, a script that anyone with a dose common sense could have written and, of course, more explosions that you could have a drinking contest and somehow live to tell the tale. The Last Knight was terrible with its unnecessary characters, clumps of dialogue with the worst type of humor that can turn your hair white and full-on action sequences that do nothing but tarnished the film. The movie is so predictable in how awful it is that it’s hard to really be ashamed by it. I really hope that this the FINAL film of the franchise for I really don’t want any Transformer sequel to be my WORST film in an upcoming year.
Well, there you have it. The worst five films I witnessed in 2017. I hope you didn’t have to suffer the same fate as me. Tune in tomorrow where I give you THE BEST of 2017. See you out there!